Dear Readers,

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"La Tahzan, InnaAllaha ma'ana" (Al- Quran: Surah At- Taubah- Verse 40)
Translation: "Be not sad (or afraid), surely Allah is with us."

"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." ~Edmund Burke~

'It's not what the world holds for you, but what you bring to it' ~Anne of Green Gables~

Saturday, November 08, 2008

Divorce - My Piece of Mind

I meant to write about this for quite sometime now... but the latest 'Abby & Norman' case really gives me the urge to post my piece of mind on this topic.

To start off, I have nothing against divorce. Once, when I was younger, my too idealistic mind insisted that everybody must fight and defend their marriage. In fact, once you get married, that's it. If the word 'divorce' is in your dictionary, then don't trouble yourself with marriage at all.

Now, I'm a few years olders (ehem.. ehem..), I've seen how marriages rocked. I've seen it happened to relatives, close friends and friends. I've seen how hard they struggled, how hard they endured the pain, how deep they were hurt just to keep the marriage going. Most of the times the rocking happened more than once. But they persisted. That made me wonder the strength of human heart. Where did they get so much energy?

Everytime I asked, why are you fighting so hard for your marriage? Their first answer was, it's for the children... I don't believe this is true because from what I saw, all the arguments and all the fights only gave negative impact towards their children. Some of the children told me how their parents fought with unstoppable tears and asked me what have they done to deserve all that. How do I answer that question? So in this case, I don't think children really are the first priority. I don't know what is the main reason people defended their marriage so hard. I guess I have to be married first before I can truly comprehend this situation.

A few things I think I know... marriages will definitely rock, first if there is a third person, second... incapable partners. Not the other way around. This is only from observation. I don't analyze or keep statistics on this. But, I've seen how a few marriages kept going even though only one person is taking the responsibility and the other one just hitching a ride. They survived. But the moment there's a third person, that's it.

Another thing I think I know is that we human beings are selfish. We think about what we want first, then others. I know a parent's instinct (especially mother's) is different but imagine that your husband or wife having an affair. Won't you think about how you feel first?

So I guess, if your marriage rocks, please don't use your children as an excuse. Think about what you really want first. Think with a clear, logical and practical mind and make sure you get good advice. Your children depend on you. If you can be happy, they can be happy too. There's no use fighting for the wrong cause and hoping for a colorful ending. If you think you've had it, why torturing yourself? Life is too short to be gloomy all the time. So don't waste it.

It's a good thing that I wrote about this. Hopefully I'll be reminded by my own words...

A little note... marriage is a responsibility of both husband and wife. Marriage is not always a joyride. If you want to get married just because you're in love, you might want to stop and evaluate just how deep and how long that love will last? Are you mentally, emotionally, physically and financially ready? Even though I mentioned financial last, doesn't mean it's the least important. *wink* So, please be responsible. Once you got married, it's not going to be only about you. It's still acceptable if you want to suffocate life out of you. Just don't drag others too... ok?

Alrighteyyy... that's all from me, for now. I pray for a happy and blissful life for you and me.


marinay said...

Totally agree with you, my dear friend. As much as we hate the 'D' word, when shit happens, women must be able to stand up and move on.


Anonymous said...

Correct... just pray for the best

-The Sometimes Speechless-

CheeJa@Nizah said...

well dear... sometime it's hard to say marriage is beautiful and vice versa.. but it's all fated.. much to say, we have to prepare for anything happens in future..