In my most loving memory of...

Nik Zaima bt Nik Abdul Aziz.

In the ferry... on our way to Pulau Tuba...

It's been slightly over 2 weeks and I'm finally getting a grip of the fact that... I have to really bid farewell to Zaima. Her passing feels like a dream... Sometimes I still feel like it's just that we haven't contacted each other for quite some time. If I emailed her, she will reply... If I called, I will hear her cheerful voice again...

But, all that is not going to happen... The truth is, I have lost a dear friend, forever...

Are 2 weeks too short to grieve over a great loss? I think not, but I'm moving on... We all have to. There are times when I miss her and then I'll be sad again. But I can almost hear her comforting words...

Zaima and I have been friends since we were 18. That's our first year in matriculation. We were in the same class. I don't remember how we first became friends. But Zaima has always been a friendly person, so it must be her who started our friendship, since I was known as someone who had (maybe still has...) the 'don't talk to me' kind of face.

Even though I don't remember the start, I do remember spending a lot of time with her... all the sweet memories... For someone like me, who has a mood like the 'English weather', even a tiny little thing can trigger my anger. But, as far as I remember, Zaima never made me angry... except when people hurt her and she just let them, which made me furious. That's the only time.

I love spending time with Zaima. I remember how we helped her auntie baked 7 big marble cakes, which was my first cake baking experience. That was a fun day! I remember my first time eating 'terung burung' and all sorts of other ulams at her grandma's house. I remember lying together on her bed, talking, laughing, singing, napping, sleeping and... sharing... a lot of sharing. I remember our early Saturday morning drills... and I also remember how I had to 'rescue' her from being 'attacked' at Kolej Perwaja. Only God knows how much time I spent with her. We were such good friends that my mom let me travel alone, by a night express bus from KL to Kelantan just so I can be with her on her wedding day.

Between Zaima and myself, I always thought that I would go first because she took such great care of her health. One dinner at her grandma's house, she prepared a purple 'nasi ulam'. She really enjoyed her dinner that night... but I had to ask 'Zaima, nasi putih takde ke?' Hahahahaaa... that was funny. And while we wanted to buy 'chocolate indulgence' for our small get together at her house, she asked for 'trans-fat free peach cake' which didn't sound appetizing to us and looked dry to me... but she later told me it was delicious.

Zaima that I knew was a very sweet and beautiful person. She's truly kind-hearted, generous, smart and funny. I regret never telling her this, but the thing that I admire most about Zaima is that she's a very soft person, but she's also very strong. I don't know how she did it but that's just who she was...

There's a saying 'whom that God loves most, will be called first'. In Zaima's case, I believe this is true for it is impossible not to love her. I have another regret... I should have spent more time with her as a friend should. Ever since we completed matriculation and stepped into degree, we went different ways. Different courses, different classes, different co-curriculum activities, different colleges. We rarely met. But the thing about Zaima, she always made me want to keep in touch with her... and she always made the effort first. Maybe because she knew how lazy I am to pick up the phone to make a call (this is a habit that I'll try to lose from now on) But even after graduation, after we started working, after she got married... we were always in touch.

I hardly ever kissed any of my friends. It's the same between Zaima and me. We always hugged and 'touched cheeks' though. I'm glad I kissed her when she was in the hospital, while she was still concious. She looked at me when I talked to her, even though she couldn't focus. I'm not sure whether she knew it was me. But still, I hope she knew I was there and I hope she knew that I love her.

Great friends are hard to find... unfortunately for me, I have lost one of them... and Nik Zaima is irreplaceable.

To her husband Azizul, her daughter Aisyah, her son Adam, her mother, her father, sisters, brothers and the rest of her family, I'm sure you know how much Zaima loved you and what all of you meant to her. We will always miss her... But we know that she's safe and happy now. We will meet her again, in heaven, eventually. InsyaAllah.

To Zaima, my prayers are always with you... I'm missing you my dear friend...

Al-Fatihah.