Divorce - My Piece of Mind

I meant to write about this for quite sometime now... but the latest 'Abby & Norman' case really gives me the urge to post my piece of mind on this topic.

To start off, I have nothing against divorce. Once, when I was younger, my too idealistic mind insisted that everybody must fight and defend their marriage. In fact, once you get married, that's it. If the word 'divorce' is in your dictionary, then don't trouble yourself with marriage at all.

Now, I'm a few years olders (ehem.. ehem..), I've seen how marriages rocked. I've seen it happened to relatives, close friends and friends. I've seen how hard they struggled, how hard they endured the pain, how deep they were hurt just to keep the marriage going. Most of the times the rocking happened more than once. But they persisted. That made me wonder the strength of human heart. Where did they get so much energy?

Everytime I asked, why are you fighting so hard for your marriage? Their first answer was, it's for the children... I don't believe this is true because from what I saw, all the arguments and all the fights only gave negative impact towards their children. Some of the children told me how their parents fought with unstoppable tears and asked me what have they done to deserve all that. How do I answer that question? So in this case, I don't think children really are the first priority. I don't know what is the main reason people defended their marriage so hard. I guess I have to be married first before I can truly comprehend this situation.

A few things I think I know... marriages will definitely rock, first if there is a third person, second... incapable partners. Not the other way around. This is only from observation. I don't analyze or keep statistics on this. But, I've seen how a few marriages kept going even though only one person is taking the responsibility and the other one just hitching a ride. They survived. But the moment there's a third person, that's it.

Another thing I think I know is that we human beings are selfish. We think about what we want first, then others. I know a parent's instinct (especially mother's) is different but imagine that your husband or wife having an affair. Won't you think about how you feel first?

So I guess, if your marriage rocks, please don't use your children as an excuse. Think about what you really want first. Think with a clear, logical and practical mind and make sure you get good advice. Your children depend on you. If you can be happy, they can be happy too. There's no use fighting for the wrong cause and hoping for a colorful ending. If you think you've had it, why torturing yourself? Life is too short to be gloomy all the time. So don't waste it.

It's a good thing that I wrote about this. Hopefully I'll be reminded by my own words...

A little note... marriage is a responsibility of both husband and wife. Marriage is not always a joyride. If you want to get married just because you're in love, you might want to stop and evaluate just how deep and how long that love will last? Are you mentally, emotionally, physically and financially ready? Even though I mentioned financial last, doesn't mean it's the least important. *wink* So, please be responsible. Once you got married, it's not going to be only about you. It's still acceptable if you want to suffocate life out of you. Just don't drag others too... ok?

Alrighteyyy... that's all from me, for now. I pray for a happy and blissful life for you and me.

Michael Bolton - Go The Distance

I have often dreamed, of a far off place
Where a hero's welcome, would be waiting for me
Where the crowds will cheer, when they see my face
And a voice keeps saying, this is where I'm meant to be

I'll be there someday, I can go the distance
I will find my way, if I can be strong
I know ev'ry mile, will be worth my while
When I go the distance, I'll be right where I belong

Down an unknown road, to embrace my fate
Though that road may wander, it will lead me to you
And a thousand years, would be worth the wait
It might take a lifetime, but somehow I'll see it through

And I won't look back, I can go the distance
And I'll stay on track, no, I won't accept defeat
It's an uphill slope, but I won't lose hope
Till I go the distance, and my journey is complete

But to look beyond the glory is the hardest part
For a hero's strength is measured by his heart

Like a shooting star, I will go the distance
I will search the world, I will face its harms
I don't care how far, i can go the distance
Till I find my hero's welcome, waiting in your arms

I will search the world, I will face its harms
Till I find my hero's welcome, waiting in your arms

5 Important Lessons

There are more important lessons in life. But these 5 that I got from my leng lui (Mun Shih) friend today, provide clear examples on how creative life is in educating.

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1 - First Important Lesson - Cleaning Lady
During my second month of college, our professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions until I read the last one:

'What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?'

Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50's, but how would I know her name?

I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade.

'Absolutely,' said the professor. 'In your careers, you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say 'hello.'

I've never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her name was Dorothy.

2. - Second Important Lesson - Pickup in the Rain
One night, at 11:3 0 p.m., an older African American woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway trying to endure a lashing rainstorm. Her car had broken down and she desperately needed a ride. Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car. A young white man stopped to help her, generally unheard of in those conflict-filled 60s.. The man took her to safety, helped her get assistance and put her into a taxicab.

She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his address and thanked him. Seven days went by and a knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a giant console color TV was delivered to his home. A special note was attached..

It read:
'Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night. The rain drenched not only my clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along. Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband's bedside just before he passed away.. God bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving others.'

Sincerely, Mrs. Nat King Cole.

3 - Third Important Lesson - Always remember those who serve
In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10-year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him..

'How much is an ice cream sundae?' he asked.

'Fifty cents,' replied the waitress.

The little boy pulled is hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it.

'Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?' he inquired.

By now more people were waiting for a table and the waitress was growing impatient.

'Thirty-five cents,' she brusquely replied.

The little boy again counted his coins.

'I'll have the plain ice cream,' he said.

The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away. The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left. When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies..

You see, he couldn't have the sundae, because he had to have enough left to leave her a tip.

4 - Fourth Important Lesson. - The obstacle in Our Path
In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock Some of the king's wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way.

Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the King indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The peasant learned what many of us never understand!

Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition.

5 - Fifth Important Lesson - Giving When it Counts...
Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare & serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness... The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister.

I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, 'Yes I'll do it if it will save her.' As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheek.

Then his face grew pale and his smile faded.

He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, 'Will I start to die right away'.

Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her but he had chosen to save her anyway.

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Always be kind y'all!

Sister Hazel - Change Your Mind

Hey, Hey
Did you ever think
There might be another way
To just feel better,
Just feel better about today

Oh no
If you never want to have
To turn and go away
You might feel better,
Might feel better if you stay

Bridge
Yeah yeah
I bet you haven't heard
A word I've said
Yeah yeah
If you've had enough
Of all your tryin'
Just give up
The state of mind you're in…

Chorus
If you want to be somebody else,
If you're tired of fighting battles with yourself
If you want to be somebody else
Change your mind...

Hey hey
Have you ever danced in the rain
Or thanked the sun
Just for shining- just for shining
Or the sea?
Oh no- take it all in
The world's a show
And yeah, you look much better,
Look much better when you glow

Bridge & Chorus

Hey hey
what ya say
We both go and seize the day
'cause what's your hurry
what's your hurry anyway

Bridge & Chorus

Give More = Get More

Lunch hour today, while waiting for my friend, I stopped by an Islamic book booth. Browsing through the colorful rows of books, all with interesting titles, one particular book caught my attention. I don’t remember the title now, but it was about how to ease your financial burden and reduce your debts. It was written by Ustazah Siti Nor Bahyah with two of her friends.

I started to flip the pages and the first opened page was about how the devils always scare us of giving and donating and always whisper to our ears and hearts that we will become poor by these actions.

It struck to me... 'that’s why I always feel my money is not enough even though I’m earning more than I used to’.

I believe that this is a fact... you will not have any problem in your cash flow if you are always generous.

I’ve seen evidence of this by the actions of my parents. They are not rich people and their earnings are just enough to cover their needs and their family. But, this doesn’t stop them from helping others, particularly financially. My father is worse. If someone asked to borrow some money, all he heard was ‘I need help’. He didn’t think whether that person still owe him some money from before or whether the person will pay him back.

A lot of times, ungrateful human beings take advantage of kind people.

The most remarkable thing is, even though my parents always help others and never stingy in donations, their money is always enough. They never have to borrow from anyone if they think they won’t be able to pay them back. Car and housing loans excluded.

I keep on wondering about this and how this is even possible?

My mother’s answer was simple… what you give, you’ll get back… and more…

I’m not trying to brag about my parents. This is more as a reminder for myself. I have been tight with my donations budget and therefore… my cash flow situation is not so good.

So, let’s be generous and always be kind. To our parents especially.

Remember… what you give, you’ll get back… and more…

And of course, you have to evaluate how sincere you are in your actions.

Have a great life y'all!

Clay Aiken - On My Way Here

I took my first step
On that black and white kitchen floor
I sometimes wonder if that house
Is even there, anymore
I had my first glimpse of love
When I was five
I watched two people split apart
But still the three of us survived

I've seen the best
I've seen the worst
I wouldn't change what I've been through
I've touched the sky
I've hit the wall
But I did what I had to
Ooooohhhh

On my way here
Where I am now
I've learned to fly
I have to want to leave the ground
I've fallen hard
But I've been loved
And in the end it all works out
My faith has conquered fear
On my way here.

Oh yeah yeaaah

My address has changed
Almost every year
I've found that standing still
Can quickly make a lifetime disappear
I'd rather try and fail
A thousand times denied
And this, whenever you feel pain
It lets you know that you're alive

I've been a fool
I've been afraid
Yeah, I've been loved
I've been lied to
I've been wrong
And I've been right
I stood up when I had to

Yeah Yeahhhh

On my way here
Where I am now
I've learned to fly
I have to want to leave the ground
I've fallen hard
But I've been loved
And in the end it all works out
My faith has conquered fear
On my way here.

No guarantees
I believed that I would find
An open door or a light
To lead me to the other side
I guess that is why

On my way here
Where I am now
I've learned to fly
I have to want to leave the ground
I've fallen hard
But I've been loved
And in the end it all works out
My faith has conquered fear
On my way here

The Old Phone

An email I got from a friend on a random act of kindness.

You never know how your action will impact others, so be kind always :)

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When I was quite young, my father had one of the first telephones in our neighborhood. I remember the polished, old case fastened to the wall. The shiny receiver hung on the side of the box. I was too little to reach the telephone, but used to listen with fascination when my mother talked to it.

Then I discovered that somewhere inside the wonderful device lived an amazing person. Her name was "Information Please" and there was nothing she did not know. Information Please could supply anyone's number and the correct time.

My personal experience with the genie-in-a-bottle came one day while my mother was visiting a neighbor. Amusing myself at the tool bench in the basement, I whacked my finger with a hammer, the pain was terrible, but there seemed no point in crying because there was no one home to give sympathy.

I walked around the house sucking my throbbing finger, finally arriving at the stairway. The telephone! Quickly, I ran for the footstool in the parlor and dragged it to the landing. Climbing up, I unhooked the receiver in the parlor and held it to my ear. "Information, please" I said into the mouthpiece just above my head.

A click or two and a small clear voice spoke into my ear. "Information."

"I hurt my finger..." I wailed into the phone, the tears came readily enough now that I had an audience."Isn't your mother home?" came the question.

"Nobody's home but me," I blubbered.
"Are you bleeding?" the voice asked.
"No," I replied. "I hit my finger with the hammer and it hurts."
"Can you open the icebox?" she asked.
I said I could.
"Then chip off a little bit of ice and hold it to your finger," said the voice.

After that, I called "Information Please" for everything. I asked her for help with my geography, and she told me where Philadelphia was. She helped me with my math. She told me my pet chipmunk that I had caught in the park just the day before, would eat fruit and nuts.

Then, there was the time Petey, our pet canary, died. I called, Information Please," and told her the sad story. She listened, and then said things grown-ups say to soothe a child. But I was not consoled. I asked her, "Why is it that birds should sing so beautifully and bring joy to all families, only to end up as a heap of feathers on the bottom of a cage?"

She must have sensed my deep concern, for she said quietly, "Wayne always remember that there are other worlds to sing in."

Somehow I felt better.

Another day I was on the telephone, "Information Please."

"Information," said in the now familiar voice. "How do I spell fix?" I asked.

All this took place in a small town in the Pacific Northwest. When I was nine years old, we moved across the country to Boston. I missed my friend very much. "Information Please" belonged in that old wooden box back home and I somehow never thought of trying the shiny new phone that sat on the table in the hall. As I grew into my teens, the memories of those childhood conversations never really left me.

Often, in moments of doubt and perplexity I would recall the serene sense of security I had then. I appreciated now how patient, understanding, and kind she was to have spent her time on a little boy.

A few years later, on my way west to college, my plane put down in Seattle. I had about a half-hour or so between planes. I spent 15 minutes or so on the phone with my sister, who lived there now. Then without thinking what I was doing, I dialed my hometown operator and said, "Information Please." Miraculously, I heard the small, clear voice I knew so well.

"Information."

I hadn't planned this, but I heard myself saying, "Could you please tell me how to spell fix?" There was a long pause. Then came the soft spoken answer, "I guess your finger must have healed by now." I laughed, "So it's really you," I said. "I wonder if you have any idea how much you meant to me during that time?"

'I wonder," she said, "if you know how much your call meant to me. I never had any children and I used to look forward to your calls."

I told her how often I had thought of her over the years and I asked if I could call her again when I came back to visit my sister.

"Please do", she said. "Just ask for Sally."

Three months later I was back in Seattle. A different voice answered, "Information." I asked for Sally. "Are you a friend?" she said. "Yes, a very old friend," I answered. "I'm sorry to have to tell you this," she said."Sally had been working part-time the last few years because she was sick. She died five weeks ago."

Before I could hang up she said, "Wait a minute, did you say your name was Wayne?"

"Yes." I answered."Well, Sally left a message for you. She wrote it down in case you called. Let me read it to you." The note said, "Tell him there are other worlds to sing in. He'll know what I mean." I thanked her and hung up. I knew what Sally meant.

Never underestimate the impression you may make on others.
Whose life have you touched today?
Why not pass this on? I just did....

Lifting you on eagle's wings. May you find the joy and peace you long for.

Life is a journey .. NOT a guided tour.

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Source: ~Anonymous~