Holding on...

I still cannot believe that it happened. After 4 days, it still feel unreal. I went to sleep crying and hoping that when I wake up, what had happened was only a dream.

At this age, I should know better. But, even as an adult it's hard to cope with the fact that someone you hold dearly in your heart have left you forever.

I should have written a memoir for my dear friend earlier, I know. But, there are a lot of feelings and thoughts that I don't know how to express... I think mostly because I refuse to talk or write about her in past tense... it hurts...

A few others have blogged about her. You can read from there first. Mine will come much later.

http://rosediana.blogspot.com/2008/11/missing-her-zaima.html
http://www.arejae.com/blog/apa-itu-meningitis.html
http://jenntayu.blogspot.com/2008/11/andai-ku-tahu.html
http://mazddaud.blogspot.com/2008/11/tolong-doakan-ye.html

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Dearest Zaima,
I'm missing you already... and I'll be missing you always...
wishing that you're still here...
My prayers are with you...
Semoga Zaima sentiasa berada dalam peliharaan dan kasih sayang Allah.
Love, hugs & kisses..

What is the price of humanity?

Apparently not much.

On the Petronas gas station robbery case in Kuala Kangsar yesterday, the price of humanity was less than 1000 ringgit.

http://www.utusan.com.my/utusan/info.asp?y=2008&dt=1113&pub=Utusan_Malaysia&sec=Jenayah&pg=je_02.htm


For less than 1000 ringgit, a good man lost his life.
For less than 1000 ringgit, a wife lost a husband.
For less than 1000 ringgit, children lost their father.
For less than 1000 ringgit... society had lost, a lot... compassion, kindness, mercy... safety...

According to police investigation, the victim didn't even have a slight chance to fight back. Those heartless beast stormed into the gas station counter and slashed the victim to death.

In a blink of an eye, a human lost his humanity.

Dato' Haron Din once said, this is the most terrifying thing that can happen.

What have money turned them into?
What have money turned us into?
Have we ever stopped to ponder?

In the world with booming civilization, although a bit of economic setbacks lately, we depend a lot on pieces of papers... with faces and pictures of what we don't care. Only the value it represents matters... even though it has been so crumpled up.

For these pieces of papers, some people went to 'extra' length to have it...
Robberies...
Kidnappings...
Drugs...
Prostitution...
Deception...
Extortion...
Bribery...
Adultery...
Murder...
The list goes on...

Those pieces of papers are more valuable than pride, honour and self- respect...

Those who did all that, have so many excuses why they did it.
Those who didn't, have so little reasons why they don't.

It the end, it all comes back to who you are and who you like to be.

I found doa that is good for us to practise. May we are not so influenced and may our minds not so cluttered with the matter of $$$.

(sorry this is in Malay )

Ertinya:“Ya Allah , Yang Maha Kaya dan Terpuji,
Ya Tuhan Maha Pencipta, tempat kembali,
Aku memohon kepada-Mu nikmat rezeki yang halal;
sehingga aku tidak memerlukan lagi kepada yang haram,
Kayakanlah aku dengan nikmat kurnia-Mu,
Ya Tuhan Yang Tiada Lain Daripada-Mu,
Dengan rahmat-Mu wahai Yang Maha Pengasih dan Penyayang,Yang Maha Kaya dan Pemberi Rezeki,
Ya Tuhan Yang Banyak Memberi, Tuhan yang Maha Agung dan Maha Mulia.” http://nurjeehan.hadithuna.com/doa-memohon-murah-rezeki/

Keep praying that good will always overcome evil.

May those beasts be captured soon. The evil part of me pray that they won't be spared. But only Allah knows what's best.

Take good care y'all!

Divorce - My Piece of Mind

I meant to write about this for quite sometime now... but the latest 'Abby & Norman' case really gives me the urge to post my piece of mind on this topic.

To start off, I have nothing against divorce. Once, when I was younger, my too idealistic mind insisted that everybody must fight and defend their marriage. In fact, once you get married, that's it. If the word 'divorce' is in your dictionary, then don't trouble yourself with marriage at all.

Now, I'm a few years olders (ehem.. ehem..), I've seen how marriages rocked. I've seen it happened to relatives, close friends and friends. I've seen how hard they struggled, how hard they endured the pain, how deep they were hurt just to keep the marriage going. Most of the times the rocking happened more than once. But they persisted. That made me wonder the strength of human heart. Where did they get so much energy?

Everytime I asked, why are you fighting so hard for your marriage? Their first answer was, it's for the children... I don't believe this is true because from what I saw, all the arguments and all the fights only gave negative impact towards their children. Some of the children told me how their parents fought with unstoppable tears and asked me what have they done to deserve all that. How do I answer that question? So in this case, I don't think children really are the first priority. I don't know what is the main reason people defended their marriage so hard. I guess I have to be married first before I can truly comprehend this situation.

A few things I think I know... marriages will definitely rock, first if there is a third person, second... incapable partners. Not the other way around. This is only from observation. I don't analyze or keep statistics on this. But, I've seen how a few marriages kept going even though only one person is taking the responsibility and the other one just hitching a ride. They survived. But the moment there's a third person, that's it.

Another thing I think I know is that we human beings are selfish. We think about what we want first, then others. I know a parent's instinct (especially mother's) is different but imagine that your husband or wife having an affair. Won't you think about how you feel first?

So I guess, if your marriage rocks, please don't use your children as an excuse. Think about what you really want first. Think with a clear, logical and practical mind and make sure you get good advice. Your children depend on you. If you can be happy, they can be happy too. There's no use fighting for the wrong cause and hoping for a colorful ending. If you think you've had it, why torturing yourself? Life is too short to be gloomy all the time. So don't waste it.

It's a good thing that I wrote about this. Hopefully I'll be reminded by my own words...

A little note... marriage is a responsibility of both husband and wife. Marriage is not always a joyride. If you want to get married just because you're in love, you might want to stop and evaluate just how deep and how long that love will last? Are you mentally, emotionally, physically and financially ready? Even though I mentioned financial last, doesn't mean it's the least important. *wink* So, please be responsible. Once you got married, it's not going to be only about you. It's still acceptable if you want to suffocate life out of you. Just don't drag others too... ok?

Alrighteyyy... that's all from me, for now. I pray for a happy and blissful life for you and me.

Michael Bolton - Go The Distance

I have often dreamed, of a far off place
Where a hero's welcome, would be waiting for me
Where the crowds will cheer, when they see my face
And a voice keeps saying, this is where I'm meant to be

I'll be there someday, I can go the distance
I will find my way, if I can be strong
I know ev'ry mile, will be worth my while
When I go the distance, I'll be right where I belong

Down an unknown road, to embrace my fate
Though that road may wander, it will lead me to you
And a thousand years, would be worth the wait
It might take a lifetime, but somehow I'll see it through

And I won't look back, I can go the distance
And I'll stay on track, no, I won't accept defeat
It's an uphill slope, but I won't lose hope
Till I go the distance, and my journey is complete

But to look beyond the glory is the hardest part
For a hero's strength is measured by his heart

Like a shooting star, I will go the distance
I will search the world, I will face its harms
I don't care how far, i can go the distance
Till I find my hero's welcome, waiting in your arms

I will search the world, I will face its harms
Till I find my hero's welcome, waiting in your arms

5 Important Lessons

There are more important lessons in life. But these 5 that I got from my leng lui (Mun Shih) friend today, provide clear examples on how creative life is in educating.

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1 - First Important Lesson - Cleaning Lady
During my second month of college, our professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions until I read the last one:

'What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?'

Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50's, but how would I know her name?

I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade.

'Absolutely,' said the professor. 'In your careers, you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say 'hello.'

I've never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her name was Dorothy.

2. - Second Important Lesson - Pickup in the Rain
One night, at 11:3 0 p.m., an older African American woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway trying to endure a lashing rainstorm. Her car had broken down and she desperately needed a ride. Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car. A young white man stopped to help her, generally unheard of in those conflict-filled 60s.. The man took her to safety, helped her get assistance and put her into a taxicab.

She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his address and thanked him. Seven days went by and a knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a giant console color TV was delivered to his home. A special note was attached..

It read:
'Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night. The rain drenched not only my clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along. Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband's bedside just before he passed away.. God bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving others.'

Sincerely, Mrs. Nat King Cole.

3 - Third Important Lesson - Always remember those who serve
In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10-year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him..

'How much is an ice cream sundae?' he asked.

'Fifty cents,' replied the waitress.

The little boy pulled is hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it.

'Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?' he inquired.

By now more people were waiting for a table and the waitress was growing impatient.

'Thirty-five cents,' she brusquely replied.

The little boy again counted his coins.

'I'll have the plain ice cream,' he said.

The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away. The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left. When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies..

You see, he couldn't have the sundae, because he had to have enough left to leave her a tip.

4 - Fourth Important Lesson. - The obstacle in Our Path
In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock Some of the king's wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way.

Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the King indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The peasant learned what many of us never understand!

Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition.

5 - Fifth Important Lesson - Giving When it Counts...
Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare & serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness... The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister.

I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, 'Yes I'll do it if it will save her.' As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheek.

Then his face grew pale and his smile faded.

He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, 'Will I start to die right away'.

Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her but he had chosen to save her anyway.

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Always be kind y'all!