10% Fiction

Today is my last day of confinement after giving birth to my 3rd child. A beautiful baby girl. Tomorrow I'll be going home in KL. After 2 months at my parents' house, I can't wait to go back home. I wonder how it looks like without me? My husband won't be able to keep it clean, neat and tidy all by himself. He rarely had a chance to call or visit me within these 2 months. He's occupied with work. Furthermore, he just got promoted, so he must be very busy now. Aaaahhh... I just can't wait to be home.

But the truth is, I'm the only one missing home, missing my husband. The truth is my husband doesn't miss me at all. The truth is my husband is seeing another woman. The truth is right now, my husband is in love with another woman. And, the final truth, my husband doesn't want me anymore.

When I got home, there's not even a welcoming smile from my husband for me. If it were not for my children, I don't think my husband would have smiled at all. You have to know that my parents sent me and my children home. No, my husband did not picked us up. After a few days at home, I sensed that something was wrong. It's all different, my husband I meant. But I figured it's just my imagination. I was in denial. That was when it all came to me.

I remember it perfectly. It was Friday night. My children and I were relaxing at the living room, watching cartoon. My husband just came back from work. The moment he stepped into the house and see my face, he looked disgusted. I knew it... then he said it...

"I don't want you anymore, I don't love you anymore. You can pack up your things and go back to your parents' house. You can bring the kids with you if you want. You can take the car. Go get yourself a job or even a new husband. I might get a new wife for myself".

*******************************************************

Do you think I can become a good fiction writer? Maybe yeah?

Unfortunately the story I wrote above is only 10% fiction. It's actually based on a true story that happened to someone I know quite closely. I'm telling you, I am very upset and angry hearing this kind of news. It's a mixed feelings. So, I'm not sure which part of the feelings that made me upset the most.

Is it the part where the husband doesn't LOVE the wife anymore?

Is it the part where the husband doesn't WANT the wife anymore?

Is it the part where the husband is IN LOVE WITH ANOTHER WOMAN?

No, no, no... what made me most upset is what the husband said to his wife. It's a total INSULT and I believe he thinks that a woman has no sense of self worth. I wish I was there when he said that to his wife. I'm not really sure what I would do to him, but most probably I'll teach him a few lessons... if you know what I mean ;)

For the wife and children, I really hope things turn out well for you guys.

For the husband, I hope you get what you're asking for. What goes around comes around anyway. Maybe you don't have anything to lose.

Direction of the heart

Lately, I found less and less time to write an entry to my slow moving blog. I have a lot of thoughts and crazy ideas to share. Unfortunately, right now I have to concentrate on tasks in hand, which is simply speaking... work. Looks like the sometimes speechless, will become speechless or will only speak the 'work' language sometimes in the future. It's not wrong speaking the 'work' language, if it is what you're passionate about.

During the past few weeks, my motivation went to a worrying level. I became unproductive, easily intimidated, no confidence (and it shows) and I woke up every morning with a dreadful thoughts of going to work. It has not been easy for me. Believe me, when this happened to you, you feel hopeless, low self esteem and you'll become a procrastinator (or a bigger procrastinator than you already are).

I always believe that everything happens for a reason, there's always a message or lesson behind it. So, if it has to be the hard way to learn, it's better that way than none at all. I wish that none of us will have to learn a lesson the hard way, but when it happens, we must all be strong and keep ourselves together. Don't let it eats you. The hard times will past and you WILL pick yourself up afterwards.

So, I dedicate my posting this time to ALL of Us who is on a dire need of a motivation. This was sent to me by a friend of mine (who maybe realized how bad I was during 'that' time). Thank you Bernhard. The speech below was delivered by the very successful Steve Jobs. The speech is so moving and inspiring. It will lift up your spirit, or maybe turn your career towards the direction of the heart.

To Steve Jobs, thank you for PIXAR. TOTALLLYYYYY...

**************************************

Stanford Report, June 14, 2005

'You've got to find what you love,' Jobs says

This is the text of the Commencement address by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, delivered on June 12, 2005.

I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal. Just three stories.

The first story is about connecting the dots.

I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?

It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: "We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?" They said: "Of course." My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.

And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.
It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:

Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.

None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, its likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.

Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

My second story is about love and loss.

I was lucky — I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation — the Macintosh — a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.
I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down - that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me — I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.
I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.

During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I returned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.

I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.

My third story is about death.

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.
Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I'm fine now.

This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope its the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960's, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.

Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

Thank you all very much.
***********************

p/s: you can also read this speech here
http://news-service.stanford.edu/news/2005/june15/jobs-061505.html

Cry for Health

I received this email from a good friend today. My reply to her was... 'No wonder women live longer than men' :)

Interesting piece of information:
"There was a study done where a control group of 100 people were divided into two. 50 people watched a very funny, tears-of laughter type movie. 50 watched a very sad and tears of compassion type movie. At the end of the sessions researchers collected the "happy tears" and the "sad tears" with eye droppers. They found that "happy tears" are made up of brine...salt water and not a great deal else However the "sad tears" were found to contain the very same chemicals and enzymes that are found in tumors, ulcers and other such lumps and bumps and sicknesses through out the body. This test concluded that the body, when crying in sadness etc is literally flushing out all of the toxic-chemicals that accumulate and are a part of the sadness /heartache experience. Therefore if one holds back those tears, those toxic-waters will find somewhere else to deposit themselves... .and prolonged lack-of-crying-release will guarantee that the body will accumulate a huge amount of internal pollution and toxicity that should have been released through the tears........is it any wonder that the eyes sting so much when we hold back our tears?"

Nite nite alll... sweet dreams!

The Malay Dilemma

Wah, wah, wah... interesting email I received today. Read on. It's not 100% true. But most people will agree that it can come close to that. It's in Malay. I apologize to those who cannot understand.

Anyway, my personal opinion... people cannot be judged by their races or descendents or skin or hair color or by their country etc etc. We can only judge a person by the person him/ herself. But since there is no way we can get to know everybody personnally, generalism plays an important part.

So this is how people generally think of the Malay people. As a Malay, I'm looking down when I say, I somehow agree to it.

Malays, don't get mad. Save the energy... better use it to change this perception.

Dilema Melayu
****************
Di mana boleh cari ramai Melayu
Pastinya di Kelantan dan Trengganu
Dan juga di pasar malam dan pasar minggu
Di Akademi Fantasia dan Pesta Lagu
Di Jom Heboh orang Melayu berpusu-pusu
Di Sungai Buloh dan sebelum ini di Pudu
Dan di jalan, lumba haram tak buka lampu
Dan di selekoh duit rasuah depa sapu
Di pusat serenti akibat ketagih dadah dan candu
Di malam kemerdekaan dan malam tahun baru
Terkinja-kinja best giler menari macam hantu
Apa hobi orang Melayu
Terkenal dengan budaya malas dan lesu
Berlepak buang masa tak jemu-jemu
Atau baca majalah Mastika cerita hantu
Tengok telenovela dari Filipina dan Peru
Sambil makan junk food kacang dan muruku
Mana tak gendut berpenyakit selalu
Kalau nak berlagak melayu nombor satu
Asal bergaya sanggup makan nasi dan toyu
Boleh tak jumpa mereka di kedai buku
Atau di perpustakaan dan majlis ilmu
Atau ambil kelas kemahiran di hujung minggu
Ada tapi kurang sangat ke situ
Kenapa Melayu jadi begitu
Nak salahkan sapa ibubapa atau guru
Pemimpin negara atau raja dulu-dulu
Ayat lazim di mulut ialah malas selalu
Nak harap kerajaan saja bantu
Terutama sekali kontraktor kelas satu
Tak habis-habis gaduh nak jatuh sapa dulu
Dan suka sangat dengan budaya mengampu
Sampai bila kita nak tunggu
Bangsa Melayu jadi bangsa termaju
Boleh, dengan beberapa syarat tertentu
Pertama dengan banyak menguasai ilmu
Kata nabi ikutlah al Quran dan sunnah ku
AlQuran yang diturunkan 1400 tahun dulu
tapi apakah yang kita tahu,
cuma baca nak halau hantu

Sticks and stones

Ahhhh... the news I saw on ERL last week and suddenly triggered
thoughts.

What is the fuss about Iran and its uranium enrichment project?
This might sound wrong to some people, but... why Iran cannot
continue this project and some other countries already has nuclear
weapons? Are we so afraid that terrorists will use Iran to get
nuclear weapons until we overlooked that they might have already
getting it from some other countries?

I'm really getting tired of this issue. Mostly at around this time
when issues on Israel's violations of ceasefire and attacks on
Lebanon's civilians and Israel's actions of planting BOMB on
Lebanon's soil is being treated not even as secondary. Some people
somewhere need to get their priority right. Or maybe, their
priorities are already in order? Well, that scares me...

When will this world be free from wars? At the early of the 3rd
century, wars are blooming. Some people are so into it, even the
tiniest spark means an excuse to start an attack. I believe what
Einstein once said is true... if wars continue, one day we'll be
back fighting using sticks and stones.

Well, no need to crack your head about nuclear weapons people.
Make sure we have enough trees by that time.

In the process, it's sure good for the environment too.

Too early to judge

Something I wrote at the airport last week.
************************************************************

It's time to go back to Homeland after a week at a neighbouring country. How much I miss Homeland, but I miss my mom even more. Can't wait to get home.

Homeland neighbour is similar to Homeland. The weather, the races of people, the religions and I suppose the culture. However, it's not the same. Something feels different. I've always had a bad impression about this Neighbour country. These bad impressions came with my own experiences and also from the stories of others. Not only from Homelanders. But also from the Neighbourers. So, my heart dropped a bit when I found out that I have to spend the next few months at Neighbour country.

In my opinion the thing that everybody will remember most about a country is the people. In my case, this is true. That's why, I believe anyone who has come to Homeland will always remember the kindness & friendliness of Homelanders and maybe, maybe also will never forget the drivers :) Before this, I always feel that Neighbourers are unfriendly. That was the impression I got with my previous visits.

But I guess, this bad impression is about to change after the few days I spent at Neighbour country this week.

I don't know what happened to Neighbour country since last year. People that I met this week were nice & friendly. I always received smiles and found myself involved with a friendly chats with the hotel receptions, taxi drivers, cashiers at the shops and even with people in the quiet office. What has changed?

Maybe people of Neighbour country has changed. Or, maybe I was the one who has changed. And maybe the way I look at things around me has changed. When we look at things from different angles, we tend to see different things. Whatever or whoever changed, I'm glad it changed for the better.

Well, a week is still too early to judge. But first impression matters doesn't it? I really hope this impression lasts... It sure will lift up my spirit.

Good will hunting?

Interesting news I read on Yahoo! news today. Hmmm… I’m sure this is the first time I came across news about a man who seems uninterested in prize money amounting to $1 million.

Extractions from the news:

"MADRID, Spain - A reclusive Russian won the math world's highest honor Tuesday for solving a problem that has stumped some of the discipline's greatest minds for a century — but he refused the award. "

“Besides shunning the award for his work in topology, Perelman also seems uninterested, according to colleagues, in a separate $1 million prize he could win for proving the Poincare conjecture, a theorem about the nature of multidimensional space.”

I always thought that it’s a material world nowadays. Most people are blinded or at least blurred by money. I know I sometimes am. To find out there is still someone who can walk away from BIG money is refreshing. There’s definitely something that we can learn from this man.

Oh, you would like to know more? Follow this link please: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060822/ap_on_re_eu/
spain_math_genius

Hearing it all...

Anyone watched Pak Lah on TV last night? I didn’t, on purpose. Never liked political discussions. I stopped paying much attention to politics since what happened to DPM in the 1990s.

Anyway, I read ‘Hearing it all from Pak Lah’ on NST today. He has answered a lot of questions. On the 9PM, on his image, on his governing style, etc, etc… u should catch it. It’s on page 6-7 of Prime News.

Quoting Pak Lah’s answers…

‘People say I’m doing all these because of Khairy. After struggling in politics for years and having climbed the mountain to become Prime Minister, can I simply hand over to him. How can I do this?’

…he has a point that I can understand.

‘Just give me time… if I take the field in a football game, and after 10 minutes, I am judged for my performance, how can that be?’

… ok boss. Just don’t take toooo long.

As for me, my personal opinion towards Pak Lah has changed. I’ve grown to have more respect for him. I think he’s doing great as a PM. He’s a bit soft, but he has proven that he’s firm. And I like the way he’s balancing material and moral development. That’s what we want as we’re approaching our vision right? So, I can see our country growing under his governance.

Be reminded that our perceptions of his answers are ‘a matter of opinion’. Read it with an open mind, then perhaps we’ll be able to get to a sound conclusion.

Don't Quit!

Something to lift up your spirit…

Also one of my favourites ever since school times.

*****************************************************************************

When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must, but Don't You Quit!

Life is strange with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a fellow turns about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out.
Don't give up through the pace seems slow,
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than it seems

to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victor's cup,
And he learned too late when the night came down
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,

It may be near when it seems afar
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit
It's when things seem the worst,

That You Mustn't Quit!
~Anonymous~

*********************************************************

Success is never final, failure is never fatal.
It’s courage that counts!
~Anonymous~

Selamat Jalan Jimi Asmara

Semalam terkejut betul bila kawan- kawan di pejabat beritahu 'Hani Mohsin dah meninggal'. Ya Allah! Memang terkejut dan memang terasa sedih. Hani Mohsin masih muda. Baru diawal 40-an. Hani Karmila pun masih di sekolah rendah. Sedihnya. Tapi, ini semua sudah takdir yang ditetapkan. Ajal pasti menjemput kita semua. Tiada apa yang boleh jadi penghalang. Tak kira muda atau tua, sihat atau sakit. Semoga kita semua sentiasa menyediakan persiapan untuk menghadapi kehidupan selepas mati. Dan, jangan lupa sedekahkan Al-Fatihah untuk Allahyarham Hani Mohsin. Semoga dia sentiasa di dalam perlindungan & kasih sayang Allah s.w.t.

Saya bukan peminat besar Hani Mohsin. Walaupun begitu, sudah cukup untuk merasakan sedikit kesedihan di atas permergiannya. Bagi saya, di Malaysia sekarang, hanya ada 2 orang pelakon yang sesuai untuk menjadi pelakon utama dalam filem romantis. Hani Mohsin M. Nasir . Saya tak mungkin dapat melupakan watak Jimi Asmara. Kawan- kawan yang sama- sama menonton filem tersebut tentunya setuju dengan saya, tambahan pula kami mempunyai memori manis berkaitan dengan filem itu. Selepas ini, hanya tinggal M. Nasir... terasa kehilangan besar dalam dunia seni tanahair.

Kepada seluruh ahli keluarga Allahyarham Hani Mohsin, saya ucapkan takziah.

Jimi Asmara tetap dalam ingatan.

Confusion? Maybe...

I was shocked when I logged on to my email today. I got 84 new and unread emails. This is the first time I've ever received so many emails in a day and it's more than just breaking a record. Apparently, all the emails I got were sent by a comment left by an anonymous person on my blog area.

I was so happy! Is my blog suddenly so hot and interesting that people care to leave comments? Wonderful comments! But, as I read through the comments, I'm pretty sure there are some mixed up with this 'blogger' network coz I feel that some of the comments are not relevant to my blog.

For example;
"What a great site, how do you build such a cool site, its excellent."
"Nice! Where you get this guestbook? I want the same script.. Awesome content. thankyou."
"Your are Nice. And so is your site! Maybe you need some more pictures. Will return in the near future."
"I say briefly: Best! Useful information. Good job guys."

Well, the last one confirmed that there was definitely a mixed up. *sigh*

I'll let the administrator know about this. We sure want the good words to go to the person who deserves it, right?

Until then, I'll enjoy the praises... it helps to boost the self esteem. *wink*

But, all the praises could really be for me, right?

Nahhhh...

We clicked!

2006 is the first year I got myself involved into consulting. So far I liked it. I learned most about patience, persistence, endurance, perseverance and how to maintain a calm face under 'torture'. I tell you, I'm lousy at all of the above. But, I got through it and now I can say that I'm quite proud of myself.

You don't think that I made it through the depression period all by myself, do you? No, I did not. For there is no 'I' in 'TEAM', I made it through the help of my amazing team members. I've never met a group of people that can all 'clicked' the first time they met. But, that's what happened and I'm so happy that it did. I was also lucky to get to work with a wonderful group of customers. They were kind, understanding & cooperative. Not all of them, of course, but I'd rather look on the bright side.

I've always thought that handling customers' requirements and expectations are the hardest part of being a consultant, but apparently it's not. At the end of the project, I learned the harder than hardest part.

Parting. Believe it or not, but try to imagine that you've spent six whole months, day and night with your team members. By now, they are no longer just team members, they are your good friends. The friends that had supported you, motivated you and kept you moving. Since we all come from different countries in Asia, we all have to go back. And saying goodbye was the hardest part because there will be a slim chance that we will ever meet again.

A friend told me that this is the part of consulting that I have to bear with, so get use to it. The truth sometimes hurt, but in this case I wouldn't get upset because of it. Our 'world' is so small. I'm sure we will meet again... someday.

To all my team members, I had a great time working with all of you. Hope our paths will cross again. Take care!!!

Become a housewife?

Just now, from the ride back from work, a friend asked me what is it that I really want to do. I hesitated for a while coz there is another thing that I really want to do. Then, suddenly another friend blurted out ‘housewife’ and to my own surprise, I said 'Yes!'

It shocked me as well as my friends. They were all guys. Maybe this is the first time that they heard that a woman in this ‘modern’ days wants to become a housewife. But as far as I knew, most of my lady friends want to become a housewife. I’ve heard most of them wishing that they can just spend time at home taking care of their family and doing house chores. Some of them are already happily living the life that they’ve dreamed of. Is this shocking? It shouldn’t be.

But of course, I, as a modern woman have a different definition on how to be a housewife. The first condition is a very reliable husband and secondly, financially secured. The first condition is important so that I know I’m doing what’s worth and the second one is important as a backup plan.

One question lingers in my mind. Nowadays, is it even possible to become a housewife in a ‘modern woman’ definition?

Nikah Misyar?

Dah lama tak menulis. Sebab utama, dah lama tak ada idea. Sebab kedua (atau alasan?), takde seru. Sebab ketiga, susah jugak kalau asyik nak menulis in English. Dah la my English only so-so :) Sebab tu la tulis blog dalam bahasa melayu plak.

Anyway, kebelakangan ni, dapat banyak pula idea untuk menulis.
Macam- macam kejadian. Isu terbaru, isu kahwin misyar. Hmmm... kontroversi ni. Agaknya dah ramai sangat perempuan yang masih belum berkahwin walaupun usia dah meningkat. Macam- macam pendapat keluar kat suratkhabar. Ada yang sokong. Ada yang tak sokong. Yang tak puas hati pun ada.

Dalam Utusan Malaysia 26 Mei 2006:
http://www.utusan.com.my/utusan/archive.asp?y=2006&dt=0525&
pub=utusan_malaysia&sec=dalam%5Fnegeri&pg=dn_01.htm&arc=hive
KUALA LUMPUR 24 Mei - Seorang pensyarah universiti hari ini mencadangkan supaya kaum lelaki dibenarkan mengamalkan perkahwinan misyar bagi mengatasi masalah ramai wanita tidak berkahwin.

http://www.utusan.com.my/utusan/archive.asp?y=2006&dt=0526&pub=utusan_malaysia&sec=rencana&pg=re_01.htm
&arc=hive
Perlukah nikah misyar?
NIKAH misyar yang juga dikenali sebagai ‘nikah musafir’ adalah sebuah perkahwinan yang tidak memerlukan psangan tinggal sebumbung. Bukan itu sahaja, suami tidak mempunyai tanggungjawab dari segi kewangan ke atas isterinya serta wujud implikasi bahawa akan berlaku perceraian.

http://www.utusan.com.my/utusan/archive.asp?y=2006&dt=0526&pub=utusan_malaysia&sec=politik&pg=po_01.htm
&arc=hive
'KUALA LUMPUR 25 Mei - Dewan Muslimat Pas menolak cadangan supaya perkahwinan misyar dibenarkan kerana ia tidak bersesuaian dengan masyarakat negara ini.'

http://www.utusan.com.my/utusan/archive.asp?y=2006&dt=0526
&pub=utusan_malaysia&sec=muka%5Fhadapan&pg=mh_01.htm&arc=hive
KUALA LUMPUR 25 Mei - Kementerian Pembangunan Wanita, Keluarga dan Masyarakat menolak cadangan supaya lelaki dibenar mengamalkan perkahwinan misyar dengan alasan tidak sesuai dengan keperluan masyarakat negara ini

Fuhhh… macam- macam pendapat ada. Nak lebih lanjut, boleh la baca kat Utusan Malaysia ok. I bet dalam internet pun tengah hangat dibincangkan. Apa- apa pun, in my case, I agree with Datuk Seri Shahrizat Abdul Jalil. She said; `Kenapa perlu, jika diikutkan nisbah antara wanita dan lelaki, ia tidak ketara perbezaannya. Malah, isu wanita tidak berkahwin bukan satu masalah dan mereka ini tidak sepatutnya dilayan sebagai kes kebajikan, golongan ini harus dihormati. ``Jangan layan golongan ini seperti itu, sebenarnya mereka ini lebih bahagia daripada memilih untuk berkahwin,'' katanya pada sidang akhbar di sini hari ini.

Hehehheheeee… wa caya lu Datuk Seri.

Setiap orang pasti ada pendapat masing- masing and I’m sure there are some, not only guys, but also ladies yang bersetuju dengan cadangan kahwin misyar ni. Setiap orang mempunyai keperluan dan kemahuan
yang berbeza. Sebab tu la nikah misyar ni wujud. Kalau bagi orang yang hanya memerlukan nafkah batin, nikah misyar memang sesuai. Itupun kalau nafkah batin didefinisikan sebagai ‘seks’ sahaja. Ishhh… apa la erti perkahwinan macam ni? Tapi, berguna untuk mengelakkan maksiat dan dosa. Hmmm… susah jugak ni. So, terpaksa la refer to keperluan dan kemahuan masing- masing, ye tak?

Personally, I wouldn’t get myself into this nikah misyar thing. Sebab utama, nikah misyar bukanlah perkahwinan that I’ve been dreaming and waiting for. Kalau peranan suami hanyalah untuk nafkah batin yang satu itu sahaja, lebih baik stay single. ‘You won’t miss what you never had’. Lagipun, how can I respect, obey and look up to a suami like this? Silap- silap, dah la suami tak bagi nafkah zahir, dah tu, dia tolong ‘pow’ sekali wang penat lelah kita. Tak ke nahas? Orang lelaki jangan la tersinggung ye baca blog I ni. I tulis berdasarkan kejadian benar. Sekarang ni, yang tak nikah misyar pun, ada suami yang hanya main peranan untuk nafkah ‘batin’ aje. Yang lain dia buat- buat lupa. But, kalau kahwin misyar, isteri takdelah ambil hati ye tak? Sebab dua- dua pihak dah bersetuju. Hehheheeee… Anyway, back to my personal opinion, this is not the kind of suami or perkahwinan yang diharap- harapkan selama ni. Kahwin misyar, sure nanti rasa macam ‘one night stand’ aje. Tak bermakna dan melukakan hati.

One important question. Kalau nikah misyar, isteri kena hormat suami macam nikah biasa jugak ke? Then, kalau ada anak macam mana? Hmmm… to those yang tengah consider nikah misyar, banyak nak kena consider and find out. Jangan suka- suka ajeeee…

Harap- harap kita semua berjumpa jodoh yang baik, bertanggungjawab, beriman dan beramal soleh supaya bahagia dari dunia hinggalah hari akhirat nanti. Aminnnnnn....

Jumping into conclusion?

This is a good illustration of how we should never ever jump into conclusion or make assumption. Always get the right fact first before taking any action.

Have a wonderful life!!!

Brokeback Mountain

I watched Brokeback Mountain and to my surprise, I love it. To be honest, I always avoid homosexual related thingy. It's just yikes!!! However, who can refrain the attraction of two hot actors? I'm telling you, Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger are just gorgoues. Seeing them in Brokeback Mountain, I'm having a hard time choosing... hehehheeeee...

I love Brokeback Mountain. Ang Lee has made me feel not so yikes!!! about gay relationship. The actors are so talented that they made me accept that 'Love is a force of nature'. The scenery & cinematography so wonderful that made me imagine myself herding sheeps together with Jack Twist and Ennis Del Mar. I can smell the grasses, I can touch the flowers, I can feel the wind on my face, I can feel the cold water of the river... I can even hear the bluebird sings. In fact I'm'standing' on Brokeback Mountain while I'm writing this. I love this story so much, that I watched it again & again.

Then today I read a heading in a newspaper that Jake Gyllenhaal and Ang Lee are given some kind of awards for human rights. What kind of human rights award, I wonder. Is it the award for acknowledging homosexuals?

This is like a wake up call to me.

I have to apologize. No matter how many times I tell myself, I cannot bring myself to support this 'kind' of human right. It's just not right and it's against my religious belief.

So, bravo to Brokeback Mountain. Bravo to Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal for your outstanding performance. But I hope there will be no more movies like this.

To Jake Gyllehaal, I really really hope that you'll get the Academy. You deserve it.

Juicy Fruiter

Juicy Fruiter

I don't have much visitor to my blog. But one day a Juicy Fruiter came and even left a message. He found my blog inquisitive... I read that message with a smile. Thank you!

I visited his blog and found that he's really is a nature guy and really passionate in what he's doing. Why don't you guys take a peep at his blog. Perhaps you'll find something you love there.

To Juicy Fruiter, you really made me drool thinking about all the juicy fruits!

Bigfoot?

Hey… you know what?! People claim that they saw Bigfoot in one of the states in my country. Can you believe it? Bigfoot in my country? I found it hard to believe, but I have to admit that in a midst of rapid development, there is still a lot of unexplored area right here in Homeland. Or maybe… in the midst of this rapid development, some people has explored too far… what do you think?

Those people who had seen the Bigfoot claimed that it was five foot tall. Wowwww… that’s really tall and its footprint was 45cm long. Wowwwieeee… that’s really big. They said it has red eyes that made them shivers at only a glance. When they spent the night in the jungle, the Bigfoot came and shook the trees that they rested on.

I know I’m supposed to feel a little bit scary reading these kind of news, but somehow I feel pity for the Bigfoot. Am I being weird?

I don’t think so.

In my mind, I believe some people has crossed into “someone’s” land without permission and maybe even been disrespectful in that “land”. Now how would you feel if someone suddenly walked in your lawn and start plucking your beautiful roses?

If that was me, I would scare the intruder a little bit. I couldn’t beat them or scold them because that would be rude, wouldn’t it? But a little stare with red eyes and shook my favourite tree a little bit while the intruder was resting on it (not to mention that they were ruining the green and fresh leaves and leaving marks on the branches). Or maybe my eyes were red because I had been crying seeing violations on my beloved home?

I might be delusional right?

Scientist from Homeland and some from neighbouring country have planned to start an expedition to hunt Mr. Bigfoot. Great idea… but when they mentioned that this could be a new attraction and could bring more tourists to Homeland, I somehow feel “Please leave Mr. Bigfoot and his family alone!”. He has been spending and enjoying a peaceful life, until now. As far as I’m concern he never disturbed us human until human went in and disturbed him.

I’m becoming a little bit emotional now…

I know finding Bigfoot would be a scientific breakthrough. But I hope after it was found, please treat it with respect. It has been so nice to us human being that despite its big size, it gave way to our development and watched us grow. I believe we have taken much of it beloved land, but instead of crushing us to our bones, it shied away into the deep jungle.

So please, please be nice to it. I believe, like us, it also dreams of spending the rest of its lives peacefully with its family and beloved home.

I took the picture from this website (just in case you are interested) :

Stepping Stone to Growth

Trouble is something no one can escape
Everyone has it in some form or shape
Sickness and sorrow come to us all
But through it we grow and learn to stand tall

For trouble is part and parcel of life
And no man can grow without struggle and strife
The more we endure with patience and grace
The stronger we grow and the more we can face!
******************************************

This has been my inspirational poem since forever! It was on a greeting card I bought for myself during school time.

2006 will mark the 3rd decade I’ve been on earth. At this age (well, actually last year) I finally realized that growing up is a lifetime struggle. If you think you have seen it all, trust me, you haven’t. If you think you’ve gone through all the ups and downs of life, I’m sure you haven’t. There will always be bumps, distractions and frustrations along the journey. But success and happiness will be waiting at the end of it. Just take them all as challenges and you’ll get through all the tests that life has for you. Just remember that it’s never too late to do the right thing and you’re never too old to do anything as long as it means that you’re doing it to improve yourself.

So, be inspired and let’s have a successful year!